The Greatest Need
by Wonderrland
Summary: Set after 5.13, recounting the events that followed, up until 2013.


**The Greatest Need:**

He didn't know what to do. For the first time he really didn't know what to do now. He'd never felt like this before, he thought he had, but he realised now that on those occasions there had always been the underlying need to save Arthur. And so he had always found a way to. But Arthur was dead. He no longer _needed_ to save him, he no longer _could_ save him. And so everything around him ceased, nothing letting him in on what he should do next.

He sat on the bank, knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around himself as he subconsciously tried to collapse in and never look back. His head was angled down but Merlin couldn't stop himself from looking up through his ashes to stare at Avalon. He was looking but not seeing. He wasn't really _there_, anymore and his mind wasn't thinking. It was all nothing. He didn't know how long he had sat there for, after sending Arthur off in the boat he had fallen down and not got back up since. He would gladly stay there until he died. But then again, that was the kicker. _Emrys_: Immortal. He could not die even if he wanted to.

Percival found him after a considerable amount of time had lapsed. He heard the footsteps before he saw the knight, not bothering to turn around to face the intruder because Morgana and Mordred were dead too and if it were a vengeful Saxon then Merlin really couldn't care any less if they chopped his head off. But it wasn't a vengeful Saxon, it was a friend. And he would have to carry on.

As Percival sat down beside him silently, Merlin rested his chin on his knees and stared out at the island. It was now that he realised how dark the sky had become above them. It was night-time now, he had been there much longer than he thought. He _thought_ he had been there a few hours at the maximum. It _felt_ like he had been there years … lifetimes, even. The sorcerer couldn't fathom words anymore and the knight kept quiet for some time. Was it out of respect? Probably. He must have known as soon as he laid eyes on Merlin what had happened because there was no other explanation as to why Merlin was alone, without Arthur.

That of course, didn't stop the knight from asking, "He's dead isn't he?"

And Merlin's heart tore a tiny bit more, hearing the words aloud, coming from the knight beside him. He closed his eyes and drew in a strengthening breath before he turned to look at Percival, he couldn't speak so he gave a tiniest nod in return. It was barely there, not noticeable if you weren't looking, but Percival saw and he must've seen the sheer loss in the sorcerers eyes because pursed his lips together, placed a comforting hand on Merlin's shoulder and squeezed gently as he softly said: "It's going to be alright, Merlin."

They stayed at the lake a little while longer before Percival was able to convince Merlin to return to Camelot with him. The knight had tried to get him to sleep first, he knew neither of them had rested properly in days but Merlin was stubborn and spoke for the first time, an adamant 'no' before closing off again and shrouding them in silence once more. Percival didn't want to argue and more than anything wanted to get back to Camelot, so he didn't bring it up again and lead the broken sorcerer home.

* * *

The castle was empty and hollow when they arrived. Gwen, Gaius and Leon were waiting for them when they did. Everyone feared what had happened. Two people had died. A Knight and his King.

Percival had told Merlin about Morgana killing Gwaine on their journey back and he told him that like Arthur had Merlin, Percival was there for their friend in his last moments. Merlin had felt like he should say something in return to that, he actually really wanted to because Gwaine had been such a dear friend to him, but he couldn't get anything out. He tried, but a sort of strangled word came through and so he didn't try again after that.

Merlin couldn't help but feel worse at that moment, because he was acting selfish but he just couldn't stop. Percival was hurting too. He had lost Gwaine and Arthur just as much as Merlin had and so maybe his bond with the King wasn't like the sorcerers but that didn't mean he wasn't mourning just as hard. Merlin knew he should try to comfort the knight, just like he had for him, but he just didn't know what to do. He couldn't do anything but walk in an empty shell. He didn't think he could feel any worse, but that was until they entered the King's chambers(why did they have to come here of all places?), and Merlin saw the look on the trios faces, - the knight, the queen and the physician, - when they saw that only two had returned. And neither was the main one they wanted.

"Only two of you have returned," Gaius said, stepping around the table to stand next to Merlin who had been watching Gwen.

Merlin still didn't say anything, so before casting a worried glance toward Merlin, Percival spoke up for the both of them. "Yes, Morgana caught Gwaine and I, and she killed Gwaine before I could reach him," his voice had cracked slightly as he spoke. "I did my best to follow her when she turned around and headed to where Merlin had taken Arthur but by the time I got there, I found the evil _witch_ dead in the dirt." Merlin had flinched at Percival's cruel tone, not because he liked Morgana, but because he seemed to hate her magic.

Both Gwen and Gaius had seen this, and Gwen, strong as she was, said: "Sir Percival, I'd take it kindly if you refrained from damning people with magic. After all, not all are evil like Morgana was. Some are kind: like Merlin."

Merlin snapped his head up from where it had been hanging toward the floor, causing sharp pain to coarse through his neck. "Y-you … you know?"

"Gaius told me," Gwen answered, ignoring the looks from Leon and Percival, with that sweet smile of hers in place despite the circumstances, "don't worry, he also told everything you've done for Arthur and for Camelot. By using your magic. You won't be punished and the law will be uplifted as soon as can be. I'm thankful for you Merlin. From what I've heard, we should all be."

He was in awe, actually, over Gwen. Where he was most likely failing to keep it together. She was being strong despite probably dying inside at that moment and wanting nothing more to ask after her husband. To ask what had truly happened. But she didn't. Not right away.

They heard about Percival and Gwaines time first, Percival telling them how they tried to ambush her, - Merlin secretly thinking how stupid that was, - telling them how she caught them and tied them up, how she killed Gwaine and Percival only made it to him in time before he died. How he then tracked her down and finding her dead in the dirt.

Then came Merlin's turn and he had to start from the beginning. Not the very beginning of course, because that would take too long and no one wanted to stay too long today, so he started at losing his magic courtesy of Morgana. He told them about Gwaine taking him to the Valley of the Fallen Kings. About how he had told Gwaine to leave him there and how Morgana had shown up. About how she had trapped him. About how the memory of his father made him realise something. About getting his magic back. He didn't tell them about what he found out in that cave though, they didn't need that on their heads. He told them about using his magic to kill the Saxon's, - which Gaius and Gwen had seen. About how after the battle was done he found Mordred's dead body and Arthur on the verge of following his murderer. About telling Arthur that he had magic, and that he'd only ever used it to save him. About taking Arthur to Avalon, the journey. About Morgan catching up with them and Merlin killing her. About how when they were so close to the lake, Arthur gave way. About how he told Merlin to just stop and hold him while he died. About how the king hadn't said goodbye to Merlin but 'thank you', - two words that would haunt Merlin for the rest of his life. And he told them about summoning Kilgarrah when Arthur died, begging the dragon to do something to save him and Kilgarrah declining, telling him that it was their destiny and it was always meant to be. He then told them about throwing Excalibur into the lake for the Lady of the Lake to take care of, and about mounting Arthur into the boat and sending him off to Avalon, where he apparently belonged.

* * *

The first year was hard, beyond hard actually, nothing anyone did could fill the void in Merlin. He hadn't truly believed the entirety of the sorcerer and the king being two sides of the same coin when Kilgarrah had told him, but now that Arthur was dead it honestly felt like someone had snatched away half of his soul and nothing anyone did was going to bring it back.

Gwen had become the leading monarch, she was kind and just, yet so brave and strong. Merlin wouldn't have expected anything less. That as Gwen, always so amazing. Magic was no longer outlawed, people were arrested and killed for their crimes if they were great, magic or no. It didn't matter anymore. Before, when it had been outlawed, yes there were people who used it for evil, and people who hid it, and people who got so scared and caged by the fact that they couldn't be themselves turned evil because that's how everyone saw them. But now they were all free to be themselves, and there was only the odd occasion where sorcery was used not for good but for bad.

Merlin walked a little through the first year like a ghost, but it didn't stop him from helping Gaius like he always did. They were now allowed to use magic when simple medicine wouldn't work. It was times like those, when they were spending hours trying to work something out, that Merlin almost forgot completely. He enjoyed it.

Everyone was worried about him though, whether they voiced it or not. They normally didn't. He would spend as much time down at the lake as he could. Just sitting there and watching, waiting even though he felt it futile. Destiny had been cruel so far and he didn't just expect Arthur to rise out of the lake one day out of the blue. Sometimes he thought it would never happen. Because life was never fair. It didn't stop him from hoping though. Hunith had come to see him a few times, getting word from Gaius and Queen Gwen about him. She always stayed with him for a week when this happened, he had told her that Gwen offered her a place to stay at the castle for good but she had declined graciously. She was touched and said she could never repay Gwen for everything's she had done and was willing to do, but she preferred Ealdor. And so she always went back home.

Gwen would visit the lake too, not as often as Merlin and he got the sneaky suspicion as to why: him. He hadn't meant to be so hostile towards her on her first visit, but something about seeing her there, where it had just been the two of them in the end, made him hate her for intruding. Silly, though, because she wasn't intruding, not really. She was grieving just like he. He had tried not to let it show that he didn't want her there as much as Uther had hated magic but she must've seen something in him before he did his best to wipe it off. She never brought it up, just always smiled sadly at him before leaving and returning to Camelot. Once again leaving Merlin alone where he always wanted to be.

And on the times that Merlin couldn't make it there, he would stay up late into the night, laying in bed and talking to Arthur, and sometimes Freya, as if they were there and could hear him. Stupid, really. Idiotic, Arthur would call it.

Leon was the one to pull him out. He didn't berate or lecture him. He was just there, being Leon and being a friend.

Merlin had been out in the woods picking some herbs for Gaius, he had gathered what he needed and decided to take a quick break before heading back, sitting down on the grass, knees bent with his arms resting on them and his head tilted up to watch the sky. Leon came and sat beside him, Merlin knew he might meet him out here, he had gone hunting with two other nights not long before Merlin had left the castle himself.

"Catch anything yet?" he asked, still watching the birds in the sky.

"Not just yet, no," Leon replied, "but the others are tracking what they think is a deer not far off. We'll probably get it by nightfall."

"Why aren't you?"

"Why aren't I what?"

Merlin smiled. "Why aren't you tracking the deer ... or whatever?"

"Because I saw you and wanted to see how you were doing," the knight admitted, hesitation in his voice, obviously a little worried about how Merlin would take that. The sorcerer didn't like people thinking he wasn't strong.

"Right," was all Merlin said as he hung his head to look at his lap and let out a long sigh from his mouth. After a while he spoke again, "What are you here, Leon?"

They both knew the question didn't mean what the words said. They both saw the underlying question: why are you trying to help me, Leon?

"You know you've always been a friend, to all of us, Merlin," Leon began, trying to catch the sorcerer's gaze with his own, "there's something about you that is just so easy to like. You care so much about everyone, even if you met them an hour ago. You see people for who they truly are and if they're just, you would do anything for them. What I'm saying is, that you're just, and kind and strong. And we would all do anything for you. I want to do anything for you. But I can't if you won't allow it, if you won't let me in. I'm your friend Merlin, and you're mine. Always will be. So, how about I let the others catch the deer and we got back to the castle and you can teach me some ... poetry?"

And Merlin laughed. He didn't just laugh but threw his head back and barked. It was the first time he had truly laughed in a year and it was thanks to Leon. He knew back then, when Arthur and Merlin were hunting Uther, - which felt like another lifetime, - that Leon probably didn't buy the whole 'I'm teaching Arthur poetry' thing, and now he knew hadn't. It didn't matter though. Because Leon wasn't offering to hunt ghosts, or read poetry. He was offering a friendship, deeper than the one they already had. He wasn't offering what he and Arthur had, he was offering something like Merlin and Will had once had. So when Leon stood and held out his hand, Merlin grabbed it and was pulled to his feet by a smiling knight.

"Or you could, y'know. Show me some of that infamous magic of yours. I've been bloody curious for a year now."

* * *

Merlin would always be Arthur's servant, even if he was there or not. He would always take care of Camelot and Albion. He helped Gwen whenever she needed it, and when she knew it was time to find a new husband, he helped her there as well. Leon, for them, was the obvious choice. He was young, wise, and a great knight who loved Camelot as much as they. He would do well to reign in Arthur's history with his queen by his side.

Leon was surprised he had even been considered, he was a knight, true. But he thought Gwen would pick a nobleman, preferably from a neighboring kingdom to unite them like Arthur had wanted. But no, it was Sir Leon. And it was the best decision that could have been made. They were all so close that they loved one another, Gwen loved Leon and Leon loved Gwen. Of course, not like Arthur and Gwen, it was more friendly than anything, but love wasn't always everything. They worked well together, and for years they brought peace. And when the time come to give Camelot an heir they were comfortable enough with each other not to worry or think to much into it.

Merlin didn't want to undermine Arthur's memory, but the two of them, they were perfect for Camelot.

* * *

Gaius was the first to go, naturally.

He didn't think he would feel loss this much again, but he did. And it hurt. Gaius had been like a father to him. He cared for him and kept him safe. He never wanted the old man to die but there was nothing he could do to stop it. So he had to watch, once again, as someone he loved drifted away before his eyes.

He didn't hear from Kilgarrah again, but one night something shot through him, waking him from a dream and he knew. He knew the dragon had died.

Then came Percival.

He died like a true knight. With honour. Protecting the name of his kingdom. For the third time his heart ripped.

Then his mother.

God, his mother went so quickly he didn't know before it was too late. He never got to say goodbye to her face. He got to bury her, it was private, intimate. Alone. But he didn't want anyone else around him. And once more he began to feel a little more cold, a little more empty.

Then Leon ... and finally, when she could fight no longer, went Gwen.

When the last two people who tied him to life died, so did Merlin. He was no longer the manservant, no longer the physician, no longer the youthful man-boy. He was Emrys. The old sorcerer with the face of Dragoon.

Merlin was no longer.

* * *

After that, after the king and queen left him for the world of the dead, leaving in their stead their heirs, and Merlin became Emrys, he didn't stay at Camelot. He traveled anywhere he could, learning. Learning everything there was to know about magic, every kind in every belief. He took on everything anyone told him, he read and he practiced. And he became great.

Every now and then he would teach. But he wouldn't stay long. He never did.

Years turned into decades and decades turned into centuries and eventually Camelot fell and there was nothing Emrys could do to stop it. He had gone back to the lake when it had started, certain that then would be when Arthur rose again, to save him legacy. But he didn't. Albion fell and the lake didn't so much a stir, and so once again, Emrys set off and threw himself into sorcery again, emerging every once in a while to return. Just in case.

As the world moved on around him, Emrys stayed still. Wherever he traveled, as the world turned and twisted into new beginnings, he was still that strange old man that no one talked to. And he didn't mind. He didn't want to get close to anyone again, even an acquaintance was too much for him. He was going to live forever and he didn't want to open his heart to someone only for him to have to watch them die. He couldn't face more heart break. He was sure that if it happened one more time, that would be it. He would truly be gone. And he wouldn't be coming back.

It was hard, this life of his. And there were days that he cursed the sky and wished it had never been given to him. It cruel and hard and terrible to live through. Had he always been destined to end up alone?

* * *

Many lifetimes passed and Albion and Camelot were no longer. It was drove into myths and legends, renaming itself the United Kingdom: North Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England. What once was Camelot was now London. And that's why, in 2013, when the UK was standing strong, obviously never going to fall, Emrys, - the undying sorcerer, - had given up hope of ever seeing his king again. When he dropped magic altogether and barely took care of himself; Arthur Pendragon: the Once and Future King rose again.

Because although Albion died in the records, and was barely there in the minds of men, as tales and not truths, - still lived deep in the heart of a broken sorcerer. The greatest of them all. Because in the end _Merlin,_ was Albion and Arthur: _Camelot_. And it was now, that Albion's need was greatest. It was shattered, ground to dust and was slowly becoming swept under the rug, hidden from view from everything that the world had to offer. But soon, it would rise again, with Camelot at its center, returning a lifelong gesture, and standing stalwart.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, so there ... I'm not really sure about it. But it was stuck in my head and had to be gotten out. **

**Tell me what you think if you like, it's always appreciated. **

**xxx**


End file.
